


The Company's Texts From Last Night

by Moon_Rose (Moonrose91)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Does Not Share Same Universe Unless Stated, F/M, Gen, M/M, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2017-12-26 12:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonrose91/pseuds/Moon_Rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mainly fluff, cutting into some angst, with some more adult like humor, the Company deals with the ups and downs of all knowing each other and the fact they all like each other.</p><p>(Not sharing universes unless otherwise stated and if you send me a link to a text from last night, I will use it, if I can. Also, I get to do research on alcohol, which is always a bonus.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stance on Brothers Sleeping With Exes (Implied Rough Sex and Bisexual Character)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (607): I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/3393.html?thread=6295873#t6295873)

Dis had thought Bilbo was going to be the one to stick around.  
  
Technically, he had, but not in the way Dis had expected.  
  
He was great with Fili and Kili and put up with most everything. He even helped sometimes, and was better at helping than Frerin was as Frerin's help usually ended with him having to take a trip to IKEA to replace things.  
  
But...  
  
They just grew apart. Bilbo stayed, but they weren't together anymore and, somehow, that was fine with Dis.  
  
So when her cell phone did the irritating chime it does when there is a text, she wasn't too concerned. Tonight was the 'Durin Boys Club Night.'  
  
It used to be the Durin Sibling Club Night, but that resulted in her having two sons, and, really, she just didn't want to add a third...yet. She had thought maybe she and Bilbo could have had a third together, but that wasn't in the cards either, as she wasn't pregnant now.  
  
The phone is open still as Dis feels herself wrapped up in a  _very_  nice daydream involving Bilbo and Bilbo's sofa.  
  
And his recliner.  
  
And his kitchen floor.  
  
But not the counters, because food was prepared there, and Dis could understand that.  
  
The...  
  
The phone buzzed again in her hand, pulling her from her musings and she focused back down.  
  
And nearly chokes on her drink at the first text, which happened to be from Thorin.  
  
 _I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with Bilbo before the night is out. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know._  
  
Coughing, she closed the text and opened the other, this one from Frerin.  
  
 _Dis, what is your policy on brothers fucking exes six ways to Sunday?_  
  
More choking on air and her sons' concerned voices carrying to her. "Don't worry, Mum's all right!" she shouted back and downed some rum she had hidden in the back of the cupboard for this purpose.  
  
 _If you break Bilbo, I will murder you both. He's the only reliable babysitter I got._  
  
This she sent to both of them.  
  
 _I will 2 check w. Thorin._  came Frerin's reply.  
  
The next day, Bilbo was walking with a slight limp, looking like the cat who ate the canary and the canary's whole family, as well as a gallon of cream.  
  
Probably the other kind as well.  
  
"What happened?" Dis asked with a grin, offering him coffee.  
  
Bilbo smiled. "Your oldest brother has  _wonderful_  stamina, but I don't think he's going to be walking straight for a few days," Bilbo answered.  
  
Dis howled with laughter.


	2. Apocalypse After Bacardi (Vomiting, H/C)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (330): 151 hangover. Need apocalypse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted [here](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/3393.html?thread=6347329#t6347329).

Bofur awoke with a groan, his head  _throbbing._  
  
Well, last night was...harsh. He buried his face into the pillows and let out a low moan of pain, which made his head hurt more. He, slowly, scrambled for his cellphone, opened it, nearly screamed in agony as the bright light assaulted his eyes, and sent a mass text to his 'Company' group.  
  
 _151 hangover. Need apocalypse._  
  
The first response came from Oin.  _No, you need water._  
  
Fili and Kili had similar responses to Oin.  
  
Thorin's was a simple,  _Do you want to die?_  
  
(Bofur's text of,  _Apocalypse bring me to life,_  was probably not the best answer as Thorin then called his house and yelled at him over the answering machine for twenty minutes.)  
  
Gloin didn't answer, and neither did Balin, but Dwalin told him to stop being lazy and make it himself. Bombur, his brother, said he liked his brother living and refused to say anything more, and Bifur was just cruel by sending him messages with cutsie, high pitched, music things.  
  
Ori said he should have tea instead (and his reply of,  _Only if with alcohol,_  was probably why Dori  _called_  instead of texted his  _hour long_  rant, that he called back multiple times with), and Nori said he would bring him some, because Nori was the best best friend  _ever_ , except he was at work.  
  
The only one who hadn't replied was Bilbo.  
  
Which was disappointing.  
  
And then he heard the sound of someone entering his apartment.  
  
There was soft movements and then the sound of his bedroom door opening. "Bilbo?" Bofur mumbled and then there was a cool hand on his forehead.  
  
"Yeah," Bilbo answered softly as he sat down on the bed.  
  
Bofur immediately curled around him. "Bring apocalypse?" Bofur muttered.  
  
"No. Brought you chicken soup though. Hand made," Bilbo answered softly and Bofur grumbled before he sighed in relief as an ice pack was placed against the back of his neck.  
  
Bilbo's hands were gentle against his forehead and through his hair, and it was nice. He sighed again and pressed his forehead against Bilbo's thigh.  
  
"Chicken soup first," Bilbo murmured and Bofur groaned, before he moved.  
  
He instantly regretted and he was never so thankful before in his life that the bathroom was right across from his bed room in his life.  
  
Bilbo seemed rather smug as he called out, "I'll just ready your water then."  
  
Bofur would have gotten revenge, except he was busy paying his respects to the porcelain god.


	3. Beer vs. Ego Crushing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (507): I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, the Dis/Bilbo bro-ship between a straight woman and a bisexual man is my thing.
> 
> I love it.
> 
> We are good.

Dís had met Bilbo at a bar where they had both been propositioned by the same man. This would have made for an amusing story to tell Dís's brothers if it had ended in a three-some, but another thing the pair had shared at the time was turning the guy down flat and then heading off to drink really hard mixed drinks with lots of liquor and flavor in them and that was how they started dating.

When the romantic relationship fell apart, their friendship only grew stronger, and the pair often made it a _thing_ to go out once a month to the bar they met in and drink people under the table. Whether it was straight shots of vodka, or other shots that shouldn’t be slung back at lighting fast pace, they spent one day out of the month being anything but responsible, but had yet to end up in jail.

So Frerin, who is on babysitting duty that night, is unsurprised to get a text from his sister that has something to do with drinking. He’s just surprised about the context.

_I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer._

He had wondered what it would take to get Dís to drink beer, the only thing that could give her a hangover, again.

Apparently, it was to crush some poor bastard’s spirit. _Mimosas for Sunday brunch tomorrow?_

_No, Irish Coffee, Bilbo style. He’s coming to stay for brunsh tomorrow. I’ll give him a kiss in thanks for it too, since yer too chicken._

Frerin didn’t text back, mostly because it was right then that the boys, who had been sneaking down the stairs this entire time, leapt upon him in an ambush. He never got around to it later, either, as he was exhausted and passed out on the couch the moment the pair stumbled through the front door.

It was truly not fair when, the next morning, Frerin was awoken by the boys jumping onto his stomach while Bilbo and Dís were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, as if they _hadn’t_ spent all of last night bar hopping.

Eru curse them both for it.


End file.
